Sneeze Fetishist In Custody Over White Pepper Attack

sneeze
An elderly man from Hopkins County, Texas was arrested on charges of aggravated assault after he blew a powdery substance into the face of a female clerk, twice.

It is alleged that after the suspect, whose name is yet to be released, handed a check to the female employee he blew the powdery substance into her face, and repeated the action after she turned back from processing the check. After blowing the substance for the second time, he waited in the store for a few minutes and left.

According to Commerce Police Chief Kerry Crews:

In my entire career I’ve never heard of anything like this. I’ve checked with my detectives and they haven’t heard of anything like it either.

Analysis showed that the substance was white pepper, things became interesting when Investigator Steve Scott interviewed the suspect.

According to Crews:

We found out he’s got a problem. He becomes aroused by females sneezing.

Although the motivation for the assault was sexual in nature, the nature of the incident was not considered sexual assault. The charges of aggravated assault causing serious bodily injury resulted from irritation to the victim’s throat and arm that was severe enough to require medical treatment.

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C.S. Magor is the editor-in-chief and a reporter at large for We Interrupt and Uberreview. He currently resides in the Japanese countryside approximately two hours from Tokyo - where he has spent the better part of a decade testing his hypothesis that Japan is neither as quirky nor as interesting as others would have you believe.
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