Conspiracy Theorists Speculate Large Hadron Collider Sabotaged From Future

lhc
Physicists Dr Holger Bech Nielsen from Denmark and Dr Masao Ninomiya from Japan have theorized that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) startup failed because it was sabotaged from the future.

The scientists speculate that the motivation behind the tampering is a desire to save the world by preventing researchers from finding the Higgs boson, which is also known as the “God Particle.”

The men suggest that they have proven mathematically that the universe would “ripple backward through time” in order to save itself from catastrophe.

Nielsen explains:

One could even almost say that we have a model for God.

He rather hates Higgs particles, and attempts to avoid them.

In the case of the Higgs and the collider, it is as if something is going back in time to keep the universe from being hit by a bus.

It must be our prediction that all Higgs producing machines shall have bad luck.

The LHC is due to start up again next month, assuming everything works this time, an Ig Nobel may well be in the offing for doctors Nielsen and Ninomiya.

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C.S. Magor is the editor-in-chief and a reporter at large for We Interrupt and Uberreview. He currently resides in the Japanese countryside approximately two hours from Tokyo - where he has spent the better part of a decade testing his hypothesis that Japan is neither as quirky nor as interesting as others would have you believe.
13 Comments on this post.
  • Jan
    23 October 2009 at 7:54 pm
    Leave a Reply

    Dear lord, some people don’t understand a think about physics. “Sabotage” is a complex process that requires consciencious actions. There is no way a physical law can cause the sabotage of a device as complex as the LHC. Elminiate the particle the moment it’s created, sure. That’s actually pretty plausible. But cause mechanical failures? This is where the entire “OMG BLACK HOLZ WE GUNNA DIEEEE!” craze comes from. Incompetents spouting nonsense.

    • C. S. Magor
      24 October 2009 at 12:27 am
      Leave a Reply

      @Jan – I don’t think they are just talking about natural forces here, I believe that they are talking about time travel. The two gentlemen in question are both physics PhDs, so they have more than a rudimentary understanding of the science.

      I personally think the idea is silly, but the silliness makes it interesting.

    • C. S. Magor
      24 October 2009 at 12:27 am
      Leave a Reply

      @Jan – I don’t think they are just talking about natural forces here, I believe that they are talking about time travel. The two gentlemen in question are both physics PhDs, so they have more than a rudimentary understanding of the science.

      I personally think the idea is silly, but the silliness makes it interesting.

  • Jan
    23 October 2009 at 7:54 pm
    Leave a Reply

    Dear lord, some people don’t understand a think about physics. “Sabotage” is a complex process that requires consciencious actions. There is no way a physical law can cause the sabotage of a device as complex as the LHC. Elminiate the particle the moment it’s created, sure. That’s actually pretty plausible. But cause mechanical failures? This is where the entire “OMG BLACK HOLZ WE GUNNA DIEEEE!” craze comes from. Incompetents spouting nonsense.

  • Jan
    23 October 2009 at 2:54 pm
    Leave a Reply

    Dear lord, some people don’t understand a think about physics. “Sabotage” is a complex process that requires consciencious actions. There is no way a physical law can cause the sabotage of a device as complex as the LHC. Elminiate the particle the moment it’s created, sure. That’s actually pretty plausible. But cause mechanical failures? This is where the entire “OMG BLACK HOLZ WE GUNNA DIEEEE!” craze comes from. Incompetents spouting nonsense.

    • C. S. Magor
      23 October 2009 at 7:27 pm
      Leave a Reply

      @Jan – I don’t think they are just talking about natural forces here, I believe that they are talking about time travel. The two gentlemen in question are both physics PhDs, so they have more than a rudimentary understanding of the science.

      I personally think the idea is silly, but the silliness makes it interesting.

  • John
    25 October 2009 at 3:36 am
    Leave a Reply

    Maybe there’s a Terminator particle just waiting to be discovered.

  • John
    25 October 2009 at 3:36 am
    Leave a Reply

    Maybe there’s a Terminator particle just waiting to be discovered.

  • John
    24 October 2009 at 10:36 pm
    Leave a Reply

    Maybe there’s a Terminator particle just waiting to be discovered.

  • T800
    23 January 2010 at 12:37 am
    Leave a Reply

    JOHN, JOHN CONNOR? COME WTH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE. I’LL BE BACK!

  • T800
    23 January 2010 at 12:37 am
    Leave a Reply

    JOHN, JOHN CONNOR? COME WTH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE. I’LL BE BACK!

  • T800
    22 January 2010 at 7:37 pm
    Leave a Reply

    JOHN, JOHN CONNOR? COME WTH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE. I’LL BE BACK!

  • Aaron_mac
    2 December 2011 at 12:48 pm
    Leave a Reply

    Sweet, it worked…

  • Leave a Reply

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