Man Fined For Trying to Use Genitals as a Deadly Weapon

Scoff if you will, but the man in this picture, one Marium Varinauskas, was recently fined £600 for assaulting a female police officer with his penis.

The story is that Varinauskas’ girlfriend called the cops on her boyfriend because she was none too pleased with his, surprise surprise, drunkenness.  The police found the 28-year0old Lithuanian on the couch in his underwear.

The attending officers sat on a nearby couch–it was at this point that Varinauskas and his penis went on the offensive.  Apparently, according to a police report, the alleged assailant “got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck.”

I wonder…do they teach penis-evading techniques at Lithuanian police college?

Varinauskas claims that he can’t remember his drunken penis-attack, due to, well, his drunkenness.  Instead of going to trial, Varinauskas pleaded guilty and was assessed the £600 fine yesterday.



Jeff Greenwell is the writer/editor of Last Angry Fan. Jeff has been known to rock a Speedo while belting out Robert Goulet tunes from his front porch, and in his spare time he enjoys capturing and training feral goats to be his minions. Also known to dig a nice brick of cheese from time to time.
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