A California man has been accused of pretending to be a massage parlor inspector in order to score himself a free massage and $200.
Forty-seven-year-old Edward Justin LaPorte was charged with felony burglary and misdemeanor counts of impersonating a peace officer and firearm violations. It is alleged that the former Illinois police officer entered the Golden Spa massage parlor wearing a badge and complaining of back pain. He said that he was there to investigate a complaint. A compliant masseuse gave him a back rub, but rejected a request for a “frontal” massage.
Now I am no legal expert and do not pretend to be – but I can tell you exactly where LaPorte’s scheme came undone… and it wasn’t when he claimed to be a massage parlor inspector – it was with his request of a frontal massage. There are massage parlors and there are massage parlors and I’m guessing he was hoping that he had entered one of the latter variety. Here’s the thing, in most locales massage parlors try to fly under the radar by looking like more legitimate establishments – so if a guy comes in with a badge asking for one of the services that you are not supposed to provide, then you assume that it is a test and act offended. If you are a legitimate establishment then you get offended and call the authorities. So no matter what the massage is off the table and you have at least a 50% chance of an outraged manager calling the real police: it’s lose-lose.
