Loose lips sink father-son ass to mouth to mouth heroin smuggling plot

Prison authorities at the federal prison in Florence, Colorado have uncovered what just may be the grossest and stupidest heroin smuggling plot of all time.

Over the summer, 56-year-old Donald Denney and his son of the same name planned an elaborate system that would allow them to bring heroin into the aforementioned federal prison, over said federal prison’s monitored telephones. Telephone conversations in all U.S. prisons are monitored, everyone knows that, even people who haven’t been to prison – so there’s the stupid part… on with the gross.

Originally, the Denneys’ plan called for a female accomplice. Had a suitable candidate been found, the plan might have been a little less gross. Unfortunately, the father-son team could not find anyone with a clean criminal record.

With the absence of a female accomplice, they would both have to take one for the team. The golf ball-sized chunk of black tar heroin (which was wrapped in the finger of a latex glove and plastic wrap, by the way) would have to come out of the elder Denney’s anus, go into his mouth and then be passed to his son in a kiss. Now this is a golf ball-sized chunk of smack here, so I’m guessing that what they had in mind was not an awkward father-son peck, it would have had to be a big open-mouthed deal. I’m guessing that the guards would have found it a little weird.

Fortunately, it never came to that. In the course of a strip search, prison authorities found “a plastic wrapper protruding from Denney senior’s anus” and the rest, as they say, is history. Dad was charged with possessing heroin with intent to distribute – which, in case you were wondering, is not his first felony. The younger Donald Denney has yet to be charged.

[via Smoking Gun]