Pictured here is Ryan Burke, a 27-year-old cook from Southern New Jersey, who came up with a fiendish plan to exact revenge on the police officer who ticketed him for traffic violation—a disgustingly evil plan.
Last February, Burke spotted said cop as he place his breakfast order at Good Foods to Go, the restaurant where Burke happened to be working. Seizing his opportunity for revenge, the 27-year-old proceeded to whip up the cop’s breakfast order with a little something extra thrown in for, umm, added flavor.
His pubic and chest hairs.
The police officer started eating his breakfast sandwich before realizing it had been laced with body hair. The remainder of the sandwich was sent off to the lab for testing, where it was determined that the DNA from the body hair found in the sandwich matched a swab taken from Burke.
Burke confessed, pleaded guilty to aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and retaliation for past official action, and was sentenced to 15 days in jail and two years of probation.
Hopefully Mr. Burke has learned a valuable lesson from all this—that revenge, while best served cold, doesn’t go well with body hair. Maybe next time he can try something a little less detectable, but just as disgustingly effective.
And judging by the look on his face, I’m pretty sure there will be a next time.
