E. Thomas Drakes

  • chinaman's hat

    FAIL: Soldiers decide to walk from one island to another, ends predictably

    Four soldiers walking back to Kualoa Regional Park in Oahu, Hawaii decided to skip motorized transport and go by foot.  It was a short distance, after all, and why bother when the weather in Oahu is so beautiful this time of year? One little catch. They decided to walk...
  • hand banana

    How NOT to covet thy neighbor’s wife

    A 33-year-old man in Orangeburg, South Carolina, arrived at his neighbor’s back door in the nude attempting to break in. And then things got weird. One male resident of the house confronted the man, evidently high as a kite, and asked him politely to leave (at least, as politely...
  • corey webb

    Achievement unlocked: Man on trial urinates in courtroom trash can

    It’s bad enough to be on trial for shooting a peace officer during an attempted escape from juvenile detention.  It’s worse to mumble audibly during attorneys’ arguments and attempt (unsuccessfully) to fire your lawyer during proceedings. But Corey Webb was on a mission.  Right as court was being let...
  • leah gibbs

    Facebook date goes sour when man uses woman as getaway driver

    In South Wales, 23-year-old Leah Gibbs drove to the home of Adam Minton, 21, thinking the two would watch a DVD and ‘cuddle’ whatever that means.  Instead, both spent the night in jail. Minton asked for a ride to a nearby shopping center, which Gibbs gladly gave (supposedly to...
  • anthony collins

    Newspaper delivery van shot nine times by paranoid pot growers

    It would’ve been just another lazy Sunday morning for a Sacramento Bee courier had she not parked a little too close to some trigger-happy pot growers. As the van was leaving a delivery location in Sacramento, it was struck nine times.  Deputies met with the delivery woman who identified...
  • geocentric model

    Galileo skeptics confound Catholics and astrophysicists alike

    After Galileo Galilei challenged the Church and its Roman Inquisition in 1632 by publishing his support of heliocentrism, he was forced to recant and confined to his home for the rest of his life.  Nearly four hundred years later, the Earth is held by a vast majority to orbit...
  • Regrets, I have a few...

    How to get arrested: Man calls 911 on self

    There are many ways in which one can complain to the police about their incompetence.  Michael Andes found the traditional methods insufficient. Early on August 25th, Andes called 911 in Bridgeport, Connecticut to report that he had parked “purposely” in a handicap space without the required placard.  When the...
  • burger king vs jack

    The King is dead: Burger King shuts out mascot

    For the second time in its 56-year history, Burger King’s large-headed mascot has been retired in an effort to step up the struggling chain’s advertising and business model.  First retired in 1989, The King was brought back in 2004 to star in commercials focused on the creep factor, peeping...
  • fallout 3

    Spare the gun, spoil the child: Bulgarian shoots noisy child in the knee

    A 65-year-old man in Sofia, Bulgaria decided to go all Charles Bronson on a group of local misfits with a converted air-rifle.  But this isn’t vigilante justice.  It’s just an old man going postal on an 11-year-old. Aram Michaelyan claims that he didn’t mean to hurt or even hit...