IKEA stops selling faecal matter tainted chocolate cake

I’ve always followed the doctrine which instructs us that a toaster, should be a toaster, a microwave oven a microwave oven and a pizza should have normal, pizza condiments. For example cheese, tomato sauce, mushrooms, pepperoni, these are all perfectly acceptable while shrimp, prosciutto and pineapple are not.

And don’t get me started on an abomination called “Christmas Chicken” which is an otherwise perfectly good roasted chicken, ruined by abominable amounts of cinnamon.

IKEA should take note because although clearly designed to be built by some kind of robotic astrophysicist with a slight Rainman complex, the furniture in itself, once built, is perfectly acceptable like the cheese, pepperoni, and you get the idea…

Sadly for them though, IKEA have decided to place restaurants in their stores which in itself is not particularly wrong, look at it this way, movie theaters have restaurants in their lobbies. However you won’t see a Cineplex or Guzzo restaurant because Cineplex and Guzzo have had the common sense of leasing out concessions to people who are actually experts in restaurants: Pizza Pizza, NY Fries, Taco Bell, McDonald’s, etc.

No. IKEA decided to manufacture and sell their own food, henceforth, meatballs in Europe have been found to contain not only beef which is fine, but also horse, buffalo and for some obscure reason antelope. Oh, and did I mention that feces has been found in their cake?

Yeah, chocolate cake from IKEA contained enough fecal matter for them to withdraw it from sale. So there you have it, if you’re at IKEA to purchase an impossibly bright, white sofa, and you feel like you need to eat their food too, avoid the chocolate cake because sometimes appearances, aren’t deceiving, and poo, is still poo, regardless of how much decorative fennel is ceremoniously placed alongside it.



Limited production music, fiction and comedy. Actually, very limited. To follow on Twitter: Child of Glass
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