The shovel is mightier than the chainsaw

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While the chainsaw has a somewhat fearsome reputation, thanks largely to movies like Scarface and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre events that transpired in Geelong, Australia last month suggest that it may be unfounded – and that a shovel might in fact, be a superior weapon.

Luke Shields and Bradley Mark tested this hypothesis on January 20, 2016 when they engaged in a bloody altercation which involved both of the aforementioned tools. According to the police, Shields, a 35-year-old man of no fixed address confronted Mark, a 36-year-old Grovedale resident, and trouble ensued.

Detective Senior Constable Naomi Bourke explained:

Mark armed himself with a chainsaw and Shields armed himself with a shovel and the two fought across four lanes of traffic in Torquay Rd, narrowly missing being struck by cars.

Staff from a Caltex servo (an Australian expression meaning, a purveyor of gasoline saw Mark fall over on the road and Shields pick up the chainsaw.

The fighting continued into the KFC driveway in front of terrified families, who ran inside and barricaded themselves in.

A witness described Mark holding Shields down and saw blood coming out of Shields’ head.

It is alleged that Mark struck the chainsaw-wielding shields with the shovel until it broke. They then went their separate ways – they then stopped fighting and went their separate ways… at which point the police arrived.

Detective Senior Constable Naomi Bourke continued:

Police arrived and, when confronted, Mark jumped onto the bonnet of the police vehicle and smashed the windscreen with officers inside. OC spray was deployed and he was arrested. Shields was arrested outside Subway.

She noted:

Shields was recently released on a three year Community Corrections Order for armed robbery, has been using drugs since his release and poses a significant risk to the safety and welfare of the community.

At his hearing, Shields was heard to exclaim:

Fuck your bail application, Fuck all youse dogs (an Australian expression meaning, a person who becomes a police informer to avoid prosecution or for personal gain, you’re all lyin’ fuckin’ dogs.

Mark is currently in custody and did not apply for bail.

Your author must admit that he was struck by the apparent novelty of this story. How many times in history have two fully grown (possibly meth-fueled) men gone at it on a busy street, in the middle of the day with a shovel and a chainsaw?

[Source: Herald Sun]

Further reading: It seems that a similar incident transpired in Minnesota in the June of last year – however, the gentlemen involved showed typical Minnesotan restraint as the altercation was verbal in nature and only involved threats.

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C.S. Magor is the editor-in-chief and a reporter at large for We Interrupt and Uberreview. He currently resides in the Japanese countryside approximately two hours from Tokyo - where he has spent the better part of a decade testing his hypothesis that Japan is neither as quirky nor as interesting as others would have you believe.
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