Florida Man Busted for Pleasuring Himself at Wal-Mart

That in it of itself is pretty disgusting, but wait til you get a load of the particulars of this sordid story—it’s a Hall of Famer.

Pictured here is William Tyler Black, a 28-year-old Florida resident who was arrested for masturbating at a local Wal-Mart.  Care to guess what the source of his visual stimulation was?

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

But hold on to your hats, because it gets worse.  Way worse.

Somehow this perv made it all the way to completion, releasing his “seed” all over the store.  One item in particular was the primary receptacle of Black’s semen.

A plastic “Star Wars” lightsaber toy.

Great guy huh?

Now for the final two pieces to this story—not only is William Tyler Black the father of a now scarred-for-life daughter, he is also a substitute teacher.  Well, he was anyway.  Rest assured he won’t be for very much longer after the school board catches wind of his Wal-Mart antics.

Black was spotted by a Wal-Mart employee while in the middle of ejaculating, and police were called.  Once again, care to guess what Black’s explanation for his deplorable behavior was?

“I was shopping for a toy for my daughter.”

Sorry sir, but the semen covered toys are found the next aisle over.

Cops charged Black with indecent exposure and battery, the latter charge because the police felt that a child could have easily come into contact with Black’s semen.

Anyone with me in nominating this guy for either father-of-the-year?

Didn’t think so.



Jeff Greenwell is the writer/editor of Last Angry Fan. Jeff has been known to rock a Speedo while belting out Robert Goulet tunes from his front porch, and in his spare time he enjoys capturing and training feral goats to be his minions. Also known to dig a nice brick of cheese from time to time.
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