Following up on yesterday’s article, that I ended by stating that the best way to ensure an alien invasion is to shoot down UFOs on sight, I want to point out that we are not the most peaceful people humans. Really we aren’t, we’ve achieved wars over such petty things as gold and treasure, random insults and oil, yet, we call our planet Earth.
Drew Olbrich, had the brilliant idea of changing that name to something a bit more aggressive. In all honesty, I’m forced to agree with him. Assuming some alien invading force is really parked on the far side of the moon, plotting, waiting to invade us, monitoring our television broadcasts, wouldn’t you rather that they encounter a planet with a badass name like Megalon 14, instead of a hippie carrying planet named Earth?
There are some other tweaks to be had, some have already been pointed out by Olbrich, others, like the puny names we gave our continents and countries, the fact that we have a “President of the UN” rather than a “Planetary Chancellor” and lastly, the more obvious current streak of “most popular persons alive”, position which is currently held by a youth named Justin Bieber.
Bieber has the cumulative aggressiveness of a pack of Skittles. For the record, he replaced former most popular person, a fake vampire named Edward, vastly renowned for being the first, and only male in history, who was able to relate to females at such a profound level, that he could experience menstruations.
So there, that’s the argument for the school of thought that we should try and look like the galactic tough guys even though we really aren’t. If that’s the way we want to go, we should rename the Earth; “planet Fonzarelli.”
