A hug is nice, but the students of Matawan-Aberdeen Middle School in New Jersey are going to have to learn that nothing beats a good, old-fashioned handshake. That’s how they did it in the olden days and consarn it, that’s the way we liked it.
The principal of the school, Tyler Blackmore, made the announcement regarding the hugging ban to the school’s 900 students after there were some “incidents of unsuitable, physical interactions.” See, hugging is the marijuana of the physical contact world—a gateway to darker, more inappropriate things, like kissing, groping, and the dreaded reach around.
But fear not students of Matawan-Aberdeen Middle School, because School Superintendent David Healy made it perfectly clear that while the act of hugging is to be discouraged, no student caught hugging will be disciplined.
“There is no policy specific to hugging, and we have not, nor will we be, suspending students for hugging,” he said in a written statement. “It is unfortunate that there are those who find purpose and humor in sensationalizing such a routine school-related issue at the expense and inconvenience of our children and our school community.”
That part about purpose and humor by sensationalizing this story…yeah, that’s us in a nutshell.