E. Thomas Drakes

  • larry brewer

    Texas Death Row inmates get no final meal thanks to white supremacist

    Popular culture dictates that, before execution, death row inmates receive a final meal of their choice.  We’ve all heard stories of the guy who asked for a box of Eskimo Pies, or a double bacon cheeseburger, or just dirt.  But now, thanks to one white supremacist, Texas will no...
  • magnum ludacris

    Chinese condoms too small for South African men, fulfilling two stereotypes

    Is the foot too big for the shoe, or is the shoe too small for the foot?  Either way, a Chinese company lost a bid to manufacture 11 million condoms in South Africa after a judge found the condoms, to be blunt, tight-fitting. Siqamba Medical won a government bid...
  • lion cat

    Teenage lesbians vs. a lion

    Harley Rose Gifford and Britney Singleton were on a crime spree in Pennsylvania, having robbed and ransacked 29 houses.  The duo were incredibly successful, having gotten away with $22,000 in cash, a 55-inch screen TV, and many other high-value items.  And neither were stealing to support a drug habit...
  • shotgun willie's

    Take your dead buddy out for drinks, his treat

    Two Denver men have been arrested for abusing a corpse after taking the body of Jeffrey Jarret out for a drink and withdrawing $400 from his ATM to hit up a strip club. The strange tale begins innocently enough: Robert Jeffrey Young and Mark Rubinson arrived at Jarret’s house,...
  • camera

    New York couple ‘borrow’ $2.5 million in federal funds, attack photographer

    Joanna Fan and husband Ziming Shen are accused of siphoning federal funds intended for the non-profit organization Red Apple into their private interests.  Instead of spending the funds to provide pre-kindergarden students with healthy meals, Fan and Shen were using the lunch money to pay for condos and personal...
  • exploding phone

    65,000 signs that you might have a stalker

    The rule of thumb in relationships is that three unreturned calls mean the bird has flown.  For a woman in the Netherlands, however, that rule was not observed, and as a result, she is being charged with stalking, having placed around 65,000 unsolicited phone calls to an ex in...
  • white castle sliders

    This generation’s great legal battle: Do you have the right to be fat?

    Martin Kessman is big, and he has every right to be.  But at 290 pounds, he reportedly cannot fit into a booth at his local White Castle fast-food restaurant. So he’s suing them to make the booths bigger and for ‘unspecified damages.’ Two and a half years earlier, Kessman...
  • josephine smith

    Florida wheelchair-bound man attacked by vampire

    In St. Petersburg, Florida, a wheelchair-bound man sleeping outside a Hooters restaurant awoke to a wannabe vampire who attempted to do that thing vampires want to do at night. Though Josephine Smith, 22, claims she remembers nothing of the attack, Milton Ellis, 69, had taken refuge on the Hooters...
  • tarantino

    Friends don’t help friends store dead bodies

    In a slight variation on a similar scene in Quentin Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction, a man now accused of luring another man into his home and shooting him in the head with a firearm politely asked his neighbors to help him get rid of the body. The neighbors believed he...