E. Thomas Drakes

  • flowers

    Relationship expert demands V-Day boycott

    There’s nothing quite like Valentine’s Day – unless you’re an man, argues Marc Rudov.  That’s why he’s boycotting the pseudo-holiday. The relationship expert from Los Gatos, California is railing against the perceived gender inequality promoted by Valentine’s Day.  Comparing it unfavorably to Super Bowl Sunday, a day in which...
  • ted haggard

    Megachurch pastor Ted Haggard: “I bought the drugs to enhance masturbation”

    In one of his more candid interviews for GQ, disgraced Evangelical pastor Ted Haggard speaks at length about his experience with methamphetamine, masturbation, and masturbating while on methamphetamine. Haggard doesn’t leave much to the imagination, and although his stories aren’t nearly as sordid as some caught practicing auto-erotic asphyxiation,...
  • leopard vs crocodile

    Leopard versus Crocodile

    No, it’s not a low-budget horror film – though the concept of a large predatory cat attacking an even larger predatory reptile seems both tacky and ludicrous, the struggle was documented by a photographer in a South African game reserve. Crocodiles are rarely preyed upon, and even more rarely...
  • william parminter

    FAIL: Man arrested for DUI moments after DUI court hearing

    Nebraska’s William Parminter was arrested on his fourth DUI offense and appeared in court this month to contest evidence; however, upon being spotted leaving the courtroom parking lot by his arresting officer, Parminter was pulled over yet again and blew a 0.238 percent, just shy of three times the...
  • balloon

    Ambitious litterbugs drop 200 paper planes from upper atmosphere

    For most of us, paper airplanes are a somewhat entertaining waste of time and paper.  For Project Space Planes, which seeks to grab a world record for the longest flight by a paper plane, they are quite serious business indeed. From an altitude of 36,500 feet over Germany, two...
  • cathy cruz marrero

    Woman falls into mall fountain while texting, now suing mall

    Some people just don’t know when to quit, like Cathy Cruz Marrero, the 49-year-old woman who fell into a mall fountain while texting. Mall security cameras captured her from several angles striding nonchalantly straight into the fountain, then getting up and walking away as though nothing had happened.  Upon...
  • megadeth + wolf

    Hungry wolves frightened by Megadeth

    In typical Norwegian style, a 13-year-old boy cheated death by blasting thrash metal in the general direction of four hungry wolves. Walking home from school in Rakkestad, Walter Acre found himself surrounded by the beasts.  Remembering the best course of action in such a situation – to face them...
  • carlton banks

    When up to no good, a couple of guys stenciled Carlton in my neighborhood

    The community of Moss Bluff, Louisiana has been hit by a wave of graffiti vandalism, though not of the typical variety. Instead, the image of Carlton Banks, a fictional character from the 90s sitcom The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, has been popping up on telephone junction boxes across the...
  • jack cagney

    80-year-old ‘Gentleman Jack’ releases fitness DVD, drops ironic quote of the century

    If you’re looking to get back in shape but can afford little more than a broomstick, you’re in luck. Jack Cagney, 80, has all the tools you need in his new fitness DVD, ‘Get Fit With Gentleman Jack.’  This DVD features Gentleman Jack motivational rapping, Gentleman Jack wearing little...